OMGSNAX!

so caroline got me this awesome australian vegetarian cookbook for christmas a few years ago & i’ve never made anything out of it b/c it’s always seemed a little bit out of my league. but i was flipping through it last weekend (mostly b/c of the pretty pictures) & i happened to come across this recipe, & i thought, “asparagus? i have a bunch of asparagus to use up! & a red onion? that red onion’s been on the counter for a month! & i just bought mustard seeds! omg! omgsnax!” or, you know, something like that.

INGREDIENTS
480 g (15 oz) asparagus
1 tablespoon oil
1 red onion, sliced
1 clove garlic, crushed
1 tablespoon wholegrain mustard
1 teaspoon honey
1/2 cup (125 ml/4 fl oz) cream

METHOD
break the woody ends off the asparagus by holding both ends of the spear & bending gently until it snaps at its natural breaking point. cut the asparagus into 5 cm (2 inch) lengths.

heat the wok until very hot, add the oil & swirl to coat the side. stir-fry the onion for 2-3 minutes, or until tender. stir in the crushed garlic & cook for 1 minute. add the asparagus to the wok & stir-fry for 3-4 minutes, or until tender, being careful not to overcook the asparagus.

remove the asparagus from the wok, set it aside & keep it warm. combine the wholegrain mustard, honey & cream. add to the wok & bring to the boil, then reduce the heat & simmer for 2-3 minutes, or until the mixture reduces & thickens slightly. return the asparagus to the wok & toss it through the cream mixture. serve immediately.

DEVIATIONS & OBSERVATIONS
sooooooooo you ever have one of those days where you mix up teaspoons & tablespoons? b/c that was today. although i didn’t notice it till i sat down to type this up, b/c HELLO honey! i wonder if it would’ve tasted significantly different with only a teaspoon as opposed to a whole tablespoon …

also, i forgot that this recipe called for cream, so when i texted daniel & asked him to buy me a little bear of honey at the store before he had class this afternoon, i didn’t ask for cream. luckily, i had the remainder of the half & half from the easter quiche, & it was just the right amount! must’ve been destiny.

it’s probably also important to note that i don’t have a kitchen scale, so i just used the rest of the asparagus. & i’ll be honest with you: it could’ve been about a pound, it could’ve been way over or way under. i just don’t know. it SEEMED like a pound, but that 21″ monitor i sold on craigslist SEEMED like a hundred pounds (& it’s really only seventy), so, you know, let’s take my approximations with a grain of salt, shall we?

so i had about thirty minutes to prepare & eat this dish. it ultimately took about forty. but that’s ok, b/c my 530pm appointment stood me up anyway, so no one really had to be the wiser. i just wanted to come clean to YOU b/c i thought you should know. that forty minutes included eating time, by the way. but that was only about six minutes of the total time. you do the math.

asparagus & woody ends

i started off by making sure the asparagus was still good. it was, but its days were definitely numbered. so i snapped the ends off & set them aside & sliced up the onion. this might be where you notice that i forgot to cut the asparagus into smaller pieces. which i remembered to do about two seconds before i had to add it to the stirfried onions. but i did it, & i did NOT lose a finger, so neener.

the red onion was a nice touch — i’d had this one laying around for a while, but no harm no foul, you know?

stirfrying the red onions

the stirfrying went just fine. that wok was probably one of the best things my grandparents gave me for the house, & that’s saying a lot b/c they also gave me my kitchen table & chairs, a mirror, two armchairs, an ottoman, a rug, a can opener, a collander (which i love), a cast iron skillet, a set of knives (which i technically bought off my grandpa for a penny), & a wardrobe. most of these, by the way, were acquired from the basement of doom. which is to say that I LOVE THAT WOK.

onions, asparagus, garlic

the half & half/honey/mustard seed mixture looked really weird — i measured the half & half out first to make sure i had enough, & then i added the mustard & the honey to the measuring cup & look at what happened: separation! it reminded me so much of 8th grade chemistry that i couldn’t stand it.

sediments! how cool is that??

the half & half/honey/mustard seed sauce

anyway, the finished dish was pretty good — i know it sounds kind of nasty (asparagus + onions + what is, essentially, honey mustard? ew) but somehow the sweetness complemented the asparagus really well. i’d totally make this again. although secretly i’d serve it with some warm garlic bread or focaccia, b/c i ate the whole thing plain (what? i was hungry!) & i really could’ve used some kind of starchy SOMETHING with it. maybe even fettucine would be good. or a cheese ravioli. I DON’T KNOW, NOW THINGS ARE GETTING TOO COMPLICATED.

the finished product

 

 

“Asparagus & Mustard Stir-Fry” from The Complete Vegetarian Cookbook, edited by Jane Price, © 2000.

passover for a vegetarian is rough. (passover for a vegan is pretty impossible.) not only is bread forbidden, but so is anything with flour, flat or not (ie, crackers, tortillas), & ditto anything remotely starchy, with the exception of potatoes. this means no grains (ie, cereal), no pasta (ie, pierogies, tortellini, ravioli — my three main staples lately!), no couscous — & you know what else? for the lucky ashkenazi (jews of eastern european descent), no legumes (ie, peanuts, peanut butter), no beans (ie, refried beans, soybeans, IE, TOFU), no rice (ie, NO DELICIOUS ASIAN CUISINES), no peas (ie, chickpeas, HUMMUS), no lentils, & no corn.

NOW do you feel my pain? my rage? my darkest darkest days?

so i’d been planning to give this frittata recipe a shot during passover, & then The Essential Vegetarian Cookbook started sucking it up real bad & i made very real threats about shelving it for good, so it was with great trepidation that i cracked it open this evening when i got home from work.

so let’s take a look at this recipe, shall we?

INGREDIENTS
1/3 pound trimmed asparagus or leftover cooked asparagus
1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil or unsalted butter
1 shallot, minced
1 tablespoon minced fresh mint, or 1 teaspoon crumbled dried mint
2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley
6 large eggs
3 tablespoons grated parmesan cheese
salt & freshly ground black pepper to taste

METHOD
place a rack in the upper third of the oven. heat the oven to 350F.

fill a large saucepan with enough water to cover the asparagus & bring to a boil over high heat. at the same time fill a large bowl with cold water & ice cubes, & line a colander with paper towels. plunge the asparagus into the boiling water. the moment they turn bright green, about 30 to 40 seconds, remove them with a slotted spoon & place them in the ice water for 15 seconds, to stop the cooking, then transfer to the colander to drain.

meanwhile, heat the oil or melt the butter in a 12-inch ovenproof nonstick skillet over medium heat. swirl the pan to distribute the oil evenly over the bottom & sides. sauté the shallot, mint, & parsley until the shallot is soft, about 7 minutes. add the asparagus & sauté just to coat with the shallot & herbs. spread the asparagus in a single layer in the skillet.

break the eggs into a bowl, & beat them lightly with a fork or whisk. lightly beat in the cheese. pour the eggs into the skillet, over the asparagus, & stir lightly with a fork until the eggs start to set, about 2 minutes. once the bottom is firm & set to about 1/3 inch, use a thin, nonmetallic spatula to lift the frittata’s edge closest to you. tilt the pan slightly toward you so that the uncooked egg runs underneath. lower the edge & swirl the pan gently to distribute the egg evenly.

continue cooking for about 40 seconds, then lift the edge again, repeating the procedure above until the egg on top — while still not set — is no longer runny, about 4 minutes.

place the skillet in the oven until the top of the frittata is set & dry to the touch, 2 to 4 minutes. check each minute after two, b/c the frittata will turn tough if cooked too long.

run a spatula around the edges to loosen the frittata, & invert it onto a serving plate. season to taste with salt & pepper. serve at once, let cool to room temperature, or refrigerate & serve chilled.

DEVIATIONS & OBSERVATIONS
i halved the mint, b/c i am suspicious of using mint in a cooking scenario that doesn’t involve chocolate. even though this is Mint The Herb & i get that, it SMELLS like toothpaste & i remain skeptical.

other than that, i tried to do EXACTLY what ms shaw wrote since my luck with other recipes from her book has been less than stellar & i thought, for a fleeting moment, that it might be due, IN PART, to my adjustments.

i DID prepare the eggs before i even started cooking anything, b/c as nice as it would be to multitask, i just know that the potential for danger is too high — & i was right. if i’d waited till after the shallots & herbs were sautéeing to start with the eggs & the cheese, i’d've been screwed — b/c dried herbs sauté a lot faster than fresh ones, & the parsley & mint got a little, uh, brown.

beaten eggs w/cheese

shallots & herbs

i also wasn’t sure how to prepare the asparagus — i mean, was it supposed to be chopped after it was blanched? b/c i left it whole (after snapping off the woody end at the bottom, which i thought i’d mention in case you didn’t know to do that) & although it cooked up just fine in the frittata, it would’ve been probably a little bit easier to eat if it were in pieces.

blanched asparagus

actually making the frittata in the skillet was a little challenging b/c of my insanely slanty burners — nothing cooks evenly b/c my cooktop is defective & annoying, & when i’m boiling water for pasta i can work around it, but when i’m trying to sauté things or fry things, it’s important for me to keep a really good eye on everything to make sure i turn the pan & get everything to cook the same (& stay the same thickness).

starting to set

almost there

i ended up NOT burning myself on the skillet, even though i reached for the handle BAREHANDED on two separate occasions — after it’d been in the oven — only to recoil just in time. & when i flipped the finished frittata onto the “serving plate” (aka “just another dinner plate”), i only lost a tiny piece of it to gravity. you can see the crispy-looking (& ill-distributed) herbs in the photo below.

free ta ta

i WILL say that shaw lucked out, b/c i’ve been threatening all week to retire this cookbook if the frittata recipe sucked, b/c shitty dumples + bland curry = skating on thin ice, & i just won’t stand for it. this recipe was pretty delicious, if somewhat pointlessly involved (why not just scramble all the sautéed vegetables in with the eggs instead of meticulously making an eggy flapjack?), but shaw’s earned herself a reprieve. FOR NOW.

 

 

“Asparagus Frittata” from The Essential Vegetarian Cookbook by Diana Shaw, © 1997.