OMGSNAX!

bear cub’s been recording at my house this week & they were set to come over this evening to practice, so i figured something that involved a lot of prep time would work well as everyone else would be busy while i was cooking — although it was awfully loud as they were playing at full volume one room over, so loud that those of us in the kitchen couldn’t really make conversation over the noise & through our earplugs!

i saw the rice bowl post on kim o’donnel’s blog in the washington post & realized that i hadn’t made fried rice in some time, so i was quite excited to give this new recipe a try!

INGREDIENTS
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
3 teaspoons sesame oil
2 large eggs, beaten
1/3 cup chopped shallots
2 tablespoons minced, mild fresh chilies
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1 cup diced carrots (substitute: chopped fresh green beans)
4 cups cold cooked rice (about 1 1/3 cups uncooked rice)
1/2 cup diced red bell pepper
1/2 cup diced celery (substitute: chopped bok choy)
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground white pepper (optional)
2 tablespoons chopped cilantro

METHOD
heat a 14-inch flat-bottomed wok over high heat until a bead of water vaporizes within 1 to 2 seconds of contact.

swirl in 1 tablespoon of vegetable oil, 1 teaspoon of sesame oil, & the eggs. cook 30 seconds to 1 minute, tilting wok so that the eggs cover the surface as thinly as possible to make a pancake. when bottom is just beginning to brown & egg is just set, flip & allow to set on other side, about 5 seconds. transfer to a cutting board & cut into shreds.

add remaining tablespoon of vegetable oil, followed by shallots, chiles, & garlic, & stir-fry for about 10 seconds. add carrots (or substitute), reduce to medium heat & stir-fry 2-3 minutes until shallots soften. add rice, bell pepper, celery (or substitute), soy sauce, salt, & pepper. increase heat to medium-high & cook 2-3 minutes more, breaking up rice with a metal spatula until heated through. add egg & stir to combine.

remove wok from heat. stir in cilantro & drizzle remaining sesame oil.

DEVIATIONS & OBSERVATIONS
i doubled the recipe since there were six of us eating, & that worked out just about right & was still manageable in the wok. more & more, i’ve noticed how difficult it is to properly use a wok on an electric range (especially one as shoddy as mine!). i blame alton brown for raising my awareness here — but it still seems to get the job done, so not too many complaints.

i do think the trick of using cold rice is probably helpful for it to be more fried & less sticky (i didn’t plan ahead & spent most of the day with my cousins, so i had to make the rice while i was chopping vegetables), & i have a hunch that long-grained rice would go a long way to that goal, too, but the taste was still fine & i don’t have a problem with sticky rice anyway.

the only real substitution i made was using peanut oil instead of vegetable oil. i considered adding broccoli (everything’s better with broccoli!), but it makes val sick so i refrained.

honestly, i’m not sure if i can say how it compared to the other fried rice. i’ve made it on several different occasions, & i do appreciate the addition of the tofu (which isn’t very popular among many of the people who eat my cooking), but i think that taste-wise, this version was maybe a little bit better by virtue of being less complicated. i definitely enjoyed the inclusion of the fried egg in this one!

 

 

 

“Aromatic Vegetarian Fried Rice” from The Breath of a Wok by Grace Young, via Kim O’Donnel.

i picked this out at the last minute b/c i knew that i needed to squeeze in a fourth recipe before june ended & as i’d crapped out during the middle of the month due to other time commitments, i needed to come up with something a little more challenging than, say, french toast. which i considered!

INGREDIENTS
sauce:
3 rounded tablespoons hoisin sauce
3 tablespoons dark soy, eyeball it
3 tablespoons water, eyeball it
2 teaspoons hot sauce, eyeball it

everything lo mein:
1 pound spaghetti
salt
1/4 cup vegetable oil, divided
2 large eggs, beaten
3 chicken breast cutlets, thinly sliced into strips
3 thin-cut pork chops, thinly sliced into strips
black pepper
2 teaspoons ground coriander
2 inches fresh ginger, chopped or grated
4 cloves garlic, finely chopped
6 scallions, cut into 3-inch lengths then sliced lengthwise
1/2 pound shiitake mushrooms, chopped
1 red bell pepper, cut into quarters, seeded, then sliced
1 small can sliced water chestnuts
2 cups fresh bean sprouts, 4 generous handfuls, or 1/2 pound shredded cabbage, your choice

METHOD
mix together sauce ingredients & reserve.

bring pasta water to a boil, salt water & cook spaghetti to al dente.

while pasta cooks, heat a tablespoon of vegetable oil in a large, nonstick skillet over high heat. when oil ripples, add beaten eggs & scramble them to light golden brown, remove & reserve.

season the meat with salt, pepper & coriander. heat the remaining vegetable oil to a ripple, then add meat & stir-fry 4 minutes, push meat to the side & add ginger, garlic & veggies. stir-fry veggies 2 minutes, then drain & add pasta & eggs back to skillet. pour sauce over the spaghetti & toss to combine. turn off pan. toss 30 seconds & let the liquids absorb.

DEVIATIONS & OBSERVATIONS
dear rachael ray,

spaghetti? are you serious? b/c they sell lo mein noodles at most grocery stores these days. like, even aldi carries it, probably. come on now hey.

sincerely yours,
the lo mein club

plus i think the lo mein noodles were cheaper. so whatever. oh, & they were kind of awesome to cook, b/c they came in three wafer-style sheets & cooked in a big block, like ramen (RA MEIN??), although they were kind of a big sticky mess after they sat in the colander for a few minutes (& i even followed the directions on the package & tossed them with a little oil to separate them out!).

cooked mein, looks like BRAIN!

i did, of course, futz around with this recipe some, b/c although the first rule of Lo Mein Club is you don’t talk about Lo Mein Club, the second rule is BROCCOLI. like, seriously, buy some. if you need help justifying it, well, ok: obviously i eliminated the meat, so i partially made up for it in volume by adding a head of broccoli & a sliced carrot. how’s that? (i bet baby corn & bamboo shoots would’ve been a nice addition, too.)

broccoli & bell pepper

cabbage, carrot, & mushrooms

i also steamed the vegetables a little in the wok after stirfrying them (which, thank god & grandpa for the wok, by the way, b/c there’s no skillet in which this all would’ve fit comfortably, like, what the hell?), b/c they would’ve been totally way too raw otherwise (especially the broccoli), & i actually stir-fried them with the spices that would’ve been used on the meat, which i thought was pretty clever of me.

stir-fried vegetables

the ginger was kind of a disaster as the piece i had was something i’d frozen a few months ago, & maybe i didn’t thaw it long enough or something, but it seemed sorta mushy & gross, so i used a little ground ginger instead. i also cut way back on the mushrooms b/c they squick me out, but in retrospect, i probably could’ve used closer to the full amount than i did as they were virtually undetectable. & you know, i wish i’d overruled daniel on the bean sprouts, b/c i think they would’ve been way better than the cabbage i actually used, but he thinks bean sprouts are gross & would’ve refused to eat the dish had i used them, so i compromised on that. the cabbage was fine, but 1/2 a pound wasn’t really all that much once everything else was thrown in there! i guess i could’ve used more of everything, really — at least, vegetable-wise.

lo mein sauce

giving it one final toss

no complaints about the sauce or the seasoning — it tasted like lo mein & was a little too greasy (like most lo meins i’ve had), but i thought it was pretty good. it fed five of us comfortably with no leftovers at all, which reinforced my feeling that, although i prefer cooking by myself most times, i ultimately prefer cooking FOR people besides myself.

sarah takes the first bite

angel is not amused

 

 

“Everything Lo Mein” from 30 Minute Meals with Rachael Ray.

so a few nights ago, daniel & i wandered up to the grocery store — mostly so i could get apples for friday night’s crisp, but also b/c the cupboard? she was bare. i have no recollection of what i had for dinner that night, but i do remember that we picked up some frozen vegetable egg rolls for him, & i stuck them in the toaster oven & yet, at the end of twenty minutes, they were still totally sogged out. which ew. also, he thought they tasted, & i quote, “gross.”

so i got this idea into my head that i wanted to make egg rolls. i googled recipes, i searched on allrecipes.com & epicurious.com, i tried to come up with SOMETHING that didn’t require ground pork, or at least suggested a reasonable substitution (b/c, let’s face it, tofu won’t do & i just wasn’t sure how to make up for the lost volume), i even looked through my cookbooks (although Moosewood’s on thin ice, i can tell you that).

well, foodnetwork.com + our good pal emeril came to the rescue! even though he’s hardly veg-friendly — & sometimes i get the feeling that he’d bathe in rendered pork fat if he could do it without being totally offensive — he somehow at some point in his storied TV career has made vegetarian egg rolls. this particular recipe was rated a “medium” on the skill level scale, but i was undaunted due to previous frying experience, & since it required minimal messing around with vegetables & only 15 minutes of preparation time (when will i learn??), i got all excited & drove straight to the grocery store after work to get everything on the ingredients list so i could fry up some egg rolls while daniel sat in his audio aesthetics class.

INGREDIENTS
2 tablespoons sesame oil
2 tablespoon canola oil
1/2 head green cabbage, shredded
1 cup julienne carrots
1 cup julienne snow peas
1 tablespoon corn starch
1/4 cup soy sauce
8 egg roll wrappers
peanut oil (for deep frying)
1/4 cup dry mustard
1/4 cup water
cilantro leaves, garnish

METHOD
in a skillet over medium-high heat, heat the sesame & canola oil. sauté cabbage for 2 minutes. add carrots & snow peas. cook an additional 1 minute. whisk together cornstarch & soy sauce until smooth. stir into vegetable mixture. cook until sauce comes to a boil & is slightly thickened, about 2 minutes. remove from heat & cool.

lay the egg roll skins on a flat surface & lightly brush edges with water. place 1/8 of the filling at one end of each skin, leaving a 1/4-inch border at the top & sides. roll wrapper over filling, tucking in the ends after the first roll.

heat 3-inches of peanut oil in a large, deep saucepan. when the oil is hot, about 350 degrees F, fry the egg rolls until golden brown, about 2 to 3 minutes. remove from the fryer & drain on paper towels. season with essence.

to serve, slice each egg roll in half, diagonally & place on each serving plate. combine dry mustard with water. drizzle each egg roll with the hot mustard. garnish with cilantro leaves.

DEVIATIONS & OBSERVATIONS
maybe it’s just the two emeril recipes in a row, but seriously, what universe does this guy live in where julienning carrots & snow peas & shredding cabbage = 15 minutes of prep time? & also, is there a good trick to julienning things quickly? maybe i should investigate that. or, you know, maybe emeril demonstrated that on one of his shows, but sadly, as delicious as the man’s recipes are, i can’t bear to watch him & his incessant lizard-like lip-licking, like, ENOUGH ALREADY.

vegetables can be emo, too

that being said, i did the best i could with what i have & it seemed fine. no problems as far as sautéeing the vegetables or getting the sauce mixed up (apparently a whisk has appeared in my drawer of utensils & i have no recollection of buying it or receiving it as a gift from my mom (although the later is more likely true)).

the sauce, as it were

egg roll filling before & after

now, given the well-documented fact that i can barely put together a bean & cheese burrito that stays rolled, you’d think i’d have massive problems trying to deal with something that has to be sealed up well enough to fry, right?

THINK AGAIN, b/c i am an AWESOME egg roll roller. it helps that i’ve made crab rangoon with my aunt & cousin several times over the years (a few of which, yes, exploded in the oil, but that’s neither here nor there), but also, can you just give me a little credit? PLEASE? b/c i am NOT as inept as you may have been led to believe by some of the earlier recipes on this site (gnocchi, i’m looking in your direction) — although, admittedly, they caused me to question my own abilities & say, on more than one occasion, “i guess i’m just not that good of a cook. huh.” but given my successes in recent days, i think it’s fair to blame the recipes! & not me! for i am the awesomest cook who ever awesomed! &, ok, i require detailed instructions, yes, & possibly visual aids, but i am not sucky!

making a vegetable envelope

don’t they look authentic?

so i got the egg rolls packaged up all in a row & set about frying them, which included a wrongheaded foray into the land of Maybe I’ll Fry Them In This Stockpot Since The Skillet’s Not Deep Enough before i realized, duh, i have a wok. i really wish i’d remembered that before i dumped all the oil into the stockpot, b/c another dish to wash isn’t really on my list of things i can’t wait to do, & ps, i ALSO wish i’d thought to clean the kitchen AFTER deep-frying instead of giving it a good thorough scrubbing the day before, like, what was i thinking???!

& so this brings us to a word about frying:
i’m really good at it. seriously. it’s something i wish i could put on my CV, but sadly, deep frying isn’t a skill set that’s sought after in the heady world of Research Assistantships. their loss.

i honed my frying talents through years of latke-making with my grandma, working my way through the ranks from Latke Taster to Latke Patter (SOMEONE has do damage control on the grease situation) to, now, Latke Co-Fryer. & over the years, i learned that the two keys to successful frying are: 01. to wait for the oil to get REALLY HOT & 02. to have enough oil.

& let me tell you: 3 inches of oil? is both just right &, like, a CRAZY amount of oil. like a whole bottle’s worth, & i am NOT fooling around. so it’s kind of disgusting & kind of wasteful & yet kind of FREAKING DELICIOUS.

blurry eggroll in all its greasified glory

here’s the other thing, is that i totally, if i’m going to do this (or any other kind of deep frying) again, require one of those wire spoon/shallow basket thingies, b/c the old plastic slotted spoon wasn’t quite what i had in mind, although it worked all right in a pinch. except for the part where it left huge puddles of oil on the countertop &, before i realized it was a terrible idea, on the stove. (b/c i have a habit of resting utensils on the middle of the stove between the burners.) terrible idea b/c, hello, GREASE FIRE. although, ironically, the only fire happened when i tried ever so carefully to wipe up the peanut oil puddle with a paper towel, which promptly caught fire. finally, my first kitchen fire! hello, non-working smoke detector!

so after totally screwing up the first egg roll by being impatient — what did i JUST SAY about waiting for the oil to get hot enough?? — i fried the rest of them BEAUTIFULLY & was feeling quite smug & sure of myself as daniel & i sat down to eat. i totally deep-sixed the mustard b/c daniel prefers duck sauce*, & also, did i mention that i did NOT season the vegetables with “Essence”?** b/c no.

egg rolls!

anyway.
THEY. WERE. GOOD.

i’d futz around with the sauce on the vegetables some (too soy-saucey, probably needs garlic &/or ginger), but daniel thought they were perfect & i thought they were pretty damn good, too. now if only i didn’t have to walk around smelling like i fell into a vat of french fry grease …

 

* not actually made of ducks
** which, btw, i am convinced is pure MSG

 

 

“Vegetarian Egg Rolls” from Emeril Live, 2003.